hello.
Hey, Adam. Yeah, I know, it’s crazy that I’m calling you. It’s been a while, how are you? How’s your mom? You see Chris lately? Yeah? Oh, that’s great. I hope you’re having fun.
Well, I really only called to say a few things. Just that I hope you’re happy. Not in the sarcastic way, but in a way that I really loved you. I still do, you know? You were my friend, my good friend. I had a lot of fun with you. I know you’re stuck in this phase where I’m this notorious villian, you get angry whenever you think about me, or someone brings me up. But, Adam, that’s not why I was in your life, and that’s not why you were in mine.
We loved each other, and showed ourselves in a different light than ever before. We loved each other, and it was beautiful. We were calmer, kinder, sweeter. I taught you the meaning of emotional love, the love that isn’t just physical. And you, in turn, taught me how to love physically. I just don’t want you to think of me angrily anymore.
I don’t want you to be angry about me. I don’t want you to think of me like that anymore. Remember, dude, we were happy. We weren’t just a figment of our imaginations. It was real.
Remember the beach? And how Chris said “guys, I’ll just turn around, and you can kiss.” And how we didn’t, even though it was Valentine’s day, on the beach.
Remember all of the songs? Crush’d and Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked and I Will Follow You Into the Dark and Overkill and Iris…
Remember our romance? You played me Iris before anything. You played it for me, in front of all of your friends, and in front of mine. You were proud of me. You really liked me. I really liked you. And I realized in that moment that I loved you.
Remember when you were afraid to read any of your poetry? And how I managed to coax it out of you? You let me read your composition book.
Remember the little things? Like when you went to go get gas and came out with a rose? And all the nicknames, like firefly and babydoll and darlin’ and baby? You taught me that life isn’t about huge displays and grandiose shows, like when I ran across the field at Scoundrel and jumped into your arms saying “I love you, I’m sorry” and you held me tighter.
Adam, I don’t want to stay hopelessly in love. I don’t want to make you feel awkward, or like you can’t be friends with me. I just… I want things to be normal. But, then again, we don’t really have a norm. We were always flirtatious. We were “just friends” for approximately five days total and then we dated. And in those days, we flirted like nobdy’s business. But, in a way, I feel like I was the meal you got when the resturant didn’t have anything you wanted, so you settled with whatever they had as the special.
But, I wasn’t special.
But, yet, I don’t really care anymore. You were special to me, and that’s all that matters to me. I just want to be your friend. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Why is it such a huge task? I want to platonically love you. Adam, you’re gone in, what, seven days? And then we’ll be done, for good, for as long as it takes. I’ll move on, you’ll move on, I might have already moved on. I never really know, after all. It takes me months to really know I’ve fallen for someone, even you.
So, the reason I called is just to say… don’t burn this bridge anymore than I already have. I still want to be able to cross over and see you even now and again. I know that we don’t know what the future holds for us, but I want there to be a chance to still be friends, real friends.
Keep me in mind, okay? Don’t disregard our friendship, because what we built wasn’t just attraction, it wasn’t just sex, it wasn’t just teenage hormones.
It was real, it was loving, it was endearing, it was happy. We don’t have to think about the bad things that happened. I think there should just be an overall effect of the relationship as a whole. Because I still think about you positively. I’m not in love with you anymore. I’m really not. I want to fix this. I want this to be good before you leave.
I want to be the only ex you actually stay friends with. We were different, we were special. We built a strong friendship underneath everything else. And once that crumbled, we still have the foundation. Don’t break that up too.
I love you, dude. All happiness. All health.
Don’t forget to remember me. Good luck.
